this is my first time being at home since thursday evening. a lot can happen in five days. with only two pairs of underwear and a few dresses and a change of flats in your backpack. i lost my toothbrush and i had a blast.
came home to my dirty clothes spread out where i usually park my car. not in the hamper i left them in. and two bags full of things that i’d given to raul over six/seven years. in the past month, three people have returned all of the shit i ever gave to them back to me. like these things matter. THINGS. it hurts. if that was the goal, hey, accomplished. i will pat you on the back. whatever. at least i have kermit back to cuddle at night.
the only good thing about being home is being with my babies. i’ve spent all morning cuddling them and watching how i met your mother. cried at lily and marshall. i made myself breakfast and had to force myself to eat it. i was certain last night i would be stuffed until tomorrow. i did all of my laundry, picked up my RSD records that theo sent, finally.
i’m off for two days after today. i don’t want to stay here. but i don’t want to stay anywhere else. nowhere to plant my roots.
the first of june and the age of twenty-two are fast approaching.
going out tonight even though i have this awful pain in my left lower abdomen. today is day four of it. i was trying to brush it off but i’m just going to go drown in sangria now. i only wish i was better at dressing myself. i desperately need to go shopping. now to tear up my room and add to the clothing already on the floor and crowding my tiny twin bed.